Sunday, May 28, 2006
met my old ex-hgs frenz 2dae... ws feeling slightly sick...i sort of missed my old frenz...bt when i saw them, i ws lyk...i juz couldnt express myself...i somehow felt...cold. mayb too many tings were weighing in my heart...s many tings tat i juz couldnt feel a sense of long lost happiness cing them after s long... we went to the community centre... den met tis guy frm jas's swimming class... i felt a sense of dislike to him...he ws...i noe it ws sort of dangerous 4 us 2 meet him... it ws the first tym we were rili meeting each other...he rili acted lyk a gentlemen, lyk wt jas said he ws nice n almost...PERFECT. bt then i still felt tat sense of insecurity...tat kinda feeling tat he ws hiding sumtink frm us...i juz couldnt trust him...the wae he looked at us... the wae he expressed his tots... siying n i tot he ws juz completely weird...lol...s we kept our distance while jas toked to him... i wanted to laugh n let out my joy on cing jas n siying... deb, iry, jas, siying...they were those who rili backed mi up when im down... sumtyms...i juz had tis feeling tat if all of them were to disappear one dae...i would b hopeless, alone... mayb im too dependent on frenz...bt nw, i felt tat if i had tis buddies of mine juz to back mi up when im down, im too selfish... i knew deb ws having probs of her own; iry ws coping wid her lost;jas ws coping wid her studies n stress n siying ws coping wid her prob wid her frenz n all...i cried... i feel s useless...acting as a burden to tis ppl hu had oredi so much to cope wid... acting as a ppl hu juz depended on her frenz, acting as a person hu could nt stand up 4 herself, acting as a person hu tries to smile bt gives herself away as a clown... acting as a person hu is no longer herself, acting as a person hu is unfeeling towards her family members...acting as someone hu is strong when inside she ws about to burst, acting as a person hu cant let tings go... tinking of tis...i could juz sae im so ashamed of myself... i screamed... i cried... tears flow uncontrollably... bt inside i tell myself...once i get tis over, im gonna b myself...
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8:35 PM
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our story;
sweet memories begin.. <33
17o05o07
words cud nvr tell hw deep i feel 4 u